Well, I’m a cheatin’ rat and a son of a gun
And I don’t give a toss about this country I run
My main concerns are money, cake and booze
Now, I don’t have time to explain my crimes
So to cover my back and explain my lies
Me and the met have come up with a ploy named Sue
At first I said it wisnae me
Attending all these illegal parties
Then I said I didn’t know the rules
As it turned out no-one believed
A single word, so we conceived
A plan of distraction with my pal Sue
Well, Dick said we’ll call it partygate
She had a pal named Ball to co-operate
And I’d pretend to care about Ukraine
I got my chums to sing the same old song
To repeat the mantra, ‘Let’s move on’
And gave Liz Truss some dosh to get on a plane
We knew that people would get bored
And as our popularity soared
We’d celebrate with a suitcase of wine or two
All the dead cats flying around
To confuse and further compound
The master stroke of a ploy named Sue
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