1. |
The Clown Is Dead
02:42
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Oh! Take me back to dear old Blighty,
Put me on the train for London Town,
Take me anywhere,
Drop me anywhere,
Liverpool, Leeds or Birmingham
'Cause I don't care,
I should like to see my...
By land, by sea.
Farewell...
Here's this land's spineless jelly
Shunned like a cold tagliatelle
His very Lowness with his arse in his hands
Never sorry about his party plans
And so I checked all the registered historical facts
And I was not surprised to discover
How he's the 18th pale descendent
Of Moby Dick's blubber
So I apologised to the Palace
In my usual offhand manner
She said: "Get the plebs to pay for
My son's court case ya spanner"
We can go for a walk where it's quiet and dry
And talk about Rees Mogg
But when you're tied to your nanny's apron
No one talks about big dog
We can go for a walk where it's quiet and dry
And talk about precious things
Like being ambushed by a cake on my birthday
These are the things that killed me
We can go for a walk where it's quiet and dry
And talk about precious things
But the rain that flattens my hair
These are the things that kill me
Back to TV to be funny
Have I Got News For You - made you more money
The clown is dead, boys
But he's not lonely, only dim
Life's a piece of pish when you're loaded
Life's a piece of pish when you're loaded
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2. |
This Guy
00:55
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3. |
Lying's The Drug
02:20
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Denial, distraction, delay
It ain't no big thing
There's no problem, not a thing
It ain't no big thing
It's all going well
Aggravate them for a few days
Say the problem is covid eh?
Bubble up, mask up in the store
Don't mention Brexit anymore
Denial, distraction and delay
That's the way we run things these days
Stitched up tight, you can't shake free
You're all hooked, hooked on me
Oh-oh, remember that bus?
Lying's the drug I'm thinking of
Oh-oh, can't you see?
Lying's the drug for me
Oh-ooh-oh
Oh-ooh-oh
Lying...
Lying...
Lying's the drug
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4. |
Brexit Street
01:43
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Stick the covid up yer jacksy
I've got another cunning plan
Just a few suggestions
Don't ask me questions
I'm a non-answerable man
How everything works
Is a mystery
It's like the changing of the seasons
And the tides of the sea
But heres the one thats driving me berserk
How come all us Tories are still in work
La la lala - la la la la la (etc)
We've got some half arsed ideas
Arse lickers like Piers
You wanna buy a garden bridge?
No? I'll just hide in a fridge
Pooling, sharing,
Extra marital affairing,
Wealthy backers
Phone hackers
You can try and attack us
Selling off the NHS
We really couldn't care less
Less, less, less, less, less, less, less
No pies in Greggs, no KFCs
No Nandos snacks, no HGVs
Gas price up, fuel no more
Rivers fill with sewage raw…
God bless Brexit Street
Viva Brexit Street
Long live Brexit Street
C’est Magnifique Brexit Street
Magnifique Brexit Street
Brexit Street
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5. |
Wage Growth
01:08
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I've given you the most important metric
Which is never mind life expectancy
Never mind cancer outcomes
Look at wage growth
Look at wage growth
Wage growth
Look at wage growth
Wage growth
Never mind life expectancy
Never mind cancer outcomes
Look at wage growth
Wage growth
Wage growth
Wage growth
Wage growth
Connected
Never mind life expectancy
Never mind cancer outcomes
Look at wage growth
I see through you
I see through you
I see through you
I see through you
Your dirty tricks
You make me sick
I see through you
Wage growth
I see through you
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6. |
Pig Man
02:29
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7. |
Peppa Pig Boris
02:51
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8. |
Cock In A Tik Tok
00:59
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Bitter, batter…
Butter, butter….
Tosser
One little slogan
Done to death
What a cunning stunt
What a PR triumph
Build back better
But just change one letter
It’s stinking patter
Fucking stinking patter
It’s a cock in a TikTok
Screwin’ up the country
Like the cunt he is ,
The cunty cock in a TikTok
It really doesn’t matter
If he’s spouting shite patter every day
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9. |
My Eyes Betray Me
00:46
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My eyes betray me
Even as I lay a hand on you
My eyes betray me
I’m a million miles away from you
It’s obvious that I’ll betray you
So close, so close and yet so far
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10. |
PM - Painter Man
01:19
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Went to Eton, had a ball
Went to Oxford, did fuck all
Partied hard, gained my degree
Became PM, d’you know what that means?
Painter Man
Painter Man
I am the PM – Painter Man
Painter Man
Painter Man
Look at me, I’m the Painter Man
La la la land, Marbella
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11. |
Brown Cliffs Of Dover
01:15
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There’ll be shit all over
The white cliffs of Dover
And tampons as far as you can see
All together now
And applicators
Will float by later
These turd herds prove our sovereignty
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12. |
||||
The tax man’s taking all your dough
But here comes Biden and BoJo
Sticky issues on a muggy DC afternoon
A lovely atmosphere in the White House
I’m warm and cosy in my blouse
Sticky issues on a muggy DC afternoon
Save me, save me, save me from this squeeze
Laura Kuennsberg sitting on Bawjaws’ knees
And she loves reporting positively
That’s yer balance on the BBC
Sticky issues on a muggy DC afternoon
It’s Laura soft soap time
Just ignore the lies
Everything is fine
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13. |
||||
I wish I could have a big motorcade like Biden
You can! I can’t.
I’ve got to pretend to save the world so dream on
You can! I can’t.
I’ve got to sleep off this massive hangover
Leaning on the shoulders of David Attenborough
But I can’t do all this and keep a mask on
Boris just wanna have fun
The motorcade holds sway
The motorcade sped on
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14. |
Brexit Opportunities
01:14
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I’ve got champagne
You’ve got the crooks
Let’s make lots of money
You’ve got the hat
I’ve got the hair
Let’s make lots of…
Can’t get enough of scheming
And taking the piss
I’m making you the minister
Of lies and prejudice
I’m looking for a partner
Someone who gets things fixed
Ask yourself this question
Do you want to be even more rich?
I’ve ate the brains
And cooked the books
Let’s make lots of money
You’ve got the lolling
You know all the dukes
Let’s make lots of money
Oh, where’s the Brexit opportunities?
I want you to look for them
You know there’s a lot of opportunities
If there aren’t, you can make them up
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15. |
Pay Your Tax Maaaan
01:14
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I’ll take 20 quid a week from you
And you’ll pay for social care too
Those are the facts maan
Yeah, just pay the tax maaan
We’ll vaccinate the poor you see
To stop them from getting wealthy
That’s the real vax man
It’s Brexit Max maaan
Never mind about the meek
And the 350 million pounds a week
If you get too cold, you’ll still take the heat
Walk your garden so I can tax your feet
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16. |
Rich Fuckwits
01:11
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Once upon a time there was consensus
When we agreed to differ on politics
But now we are governed by the senseless
Which no-one seems to know how to fix
Rich fuckwits
Propped up by poor fuckwits
A moronic bond that Labour cannot break*
Just live the life you choose
And you can never lose
If you think there’s no consequence to pay
La la la la…
*thanks to Craig Smith for this tweet
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17. |
Downing Street Dogs
01:32
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This ain’t taking back control, this is genocide
As they pulled you out of the oxygen tent
You asked for the latest party
With your Benny Hill pose and Worzel Gummidge clothes
Like a burst couch you was
Downing Street freak you was
Crawling to the party on your hands and knees
I’m sure you’re not protected from any fucking disease
You’ll get away with murder hiding behind the christmas tree
Slobber and slime you go, underneath the mistletoe
I’ll keep the police serene
(Will they come?)
They wouldn’t dare make a scene
(Will they come?)
They’re not coming along
Come out into the rose garden, baby
We’ll have a cautious snog
Young girl, they call us the Downing Street Dogs
Young girl, they call us the Downing Street Dogs
Keep your head down
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18. |
Sound Of A Cunt
00:55
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That’s the sound of a cunt smirking like a wean again
That’s the sound of a cunt smirking and lying
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19. |
A Ploy Named Sue
01:27
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Well, I’m a cheatin’ rat and a son of a gun
And I don’t give a toss about this country I run
My main concerns are money, cake and booze
Now, I don’t have time to explain my crimes
So to cover my back and explain my lies
Me and the met have come up with a ploy named Sue
At first I said it wisnae me
Attending all these illegal parties
Then I said I didn’t know the rules
As it turned out no-one believed
A single word, so we conceived
A plan of distraction with my pal Sue
Well, Dick said we’ll call it partygate
She had a pal named Ball to co-operate
And I’d pretend to care about Ukraine
I got my chums to sing the same old song
To repeat the mantra, ‘Let’s move on’
And gave Liz Truss some dosh to get on a plane
We knew that people would get bored
And as our popularity soared
We’d celebrate with a suitcase of wine or two
All the dead cats flying around
To confuse and further compound
The master stroke of a ploy named Sue
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20. |
Naebdy Telt Me
01:12
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Well, everybody’s talking and splitting bloody hairs
Everybody’s breaking rules and no one really cares
There’s matches in the commons, just below the stairs
Always something happening and nothing going on
There’s always something cooking and nothing getting done
But this is fucking normal according to The Sun
Nobody told me there’d be parties
Nobody told me there’d be wine and cheese
Nobody told me – oh for fucks sake please
Get on your knees
Freeze, Boris, freeze
Wait for Sue Gray
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21. |
||||
So tired, tired of waiting
Waiting for Sue Gray
So tired, does she even have
Any authority?
It’s like putting your Auntie Jean in charge of the CIA
And getting her to investigate that time you had a party
When your mum and dad was away
Cummings laughs
He can do what he likes
Photographs of Boris coked out of his face
Drinking wine from a suitcase
Oh I’m so tired, tired of waiting
Waiting for Sue Gray
What does it even matter
What she has to say?
Sue Gray
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22. |
Whip It Good
02:36
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Crack that whip
You must whip it
You must whip it
Now whip it
Into shape
Shape it up
Get straight
Go forward
Move ahead
Try to detect it
It’s not too late
To whip it
Whip it good
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23. |
||||
While we all wait for Sue Gray
Let’s find out what happened on Bawjaws’ birthday
Well, of course they had a party (of course)
And Lulu Lytle came down to play
Well, we’ve got to get the flat done up nice
But also hand out sombre advice
To the nation at 5 o’clock
But until then let the champagne corks pop
Cake and candles for big dog Bojo
Carrie Antoinette said make it so
Coke and dope for big dog Bojo
While the rest can watch their loved ones die
Let the bodies pile high
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24. |
||||
“Is he really going away this time?”
“Well, there he is, let’s ask him”
“Boris, is that Carrie’s ring you’re wearing?”
“Mmm-hmm”
“Gee, it must be great riding with her”
“Is she picking you up after school today?”
“Mmm-mmm”
“By the way, where did you meet her?”
He stood there in front of the door
He turned around and smiled at them
You get the picture
“Yes, we see”
They really adored him, the media pack
The man just simply has no shame (shame, shame)
He just refuses to take the blame
(Them’s the breaks)
It’s getting more absurd
Blame it on the herd
We’ll never believe him
Just leave and don’t look back
He felt so hopeless what could he do
(Boooo, boooo)
Just let the bodies pile high, what’s new?
(200,000 dead and still he keeps on lying)
And now he wants a final bash
So he can go on the lash
That’s why he’s still there
Just leave and don’t look back
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Look out, look out, look out
He’s so bloody hopeless, what can he do?
Remembering all the things we’ve been through
The press, they all stopped and stared
He just didn’t fucking care
We’ll never believe him
Just leave and don’t look back
Ooh-ooh-ooh (gone, gone-gone-gone-gone-gone)
The media pack, they’ll just move on (gone, gone-gone-gone-gone-gone)
The media pack, they’ll just move on (gone, gone-gone-gone-gone-gone)
The media pack, they’ll just move on (gone, gone-gone-gone-gone-gone)
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