1. |
Two Supes
03:13
|
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2. |
Dearth Of A Party
01:44
|
|||
|
Yet another party
Came as no surprise
Why do they bother
Waiting for Sue Gray
Another day
And he thought well well
Go to another party
And hang myself
Gently on the shelf
The death of the country
Is of no consequence
He just isn’t bothered
About anybody else
|
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3. |
||||
|
No more golden boots for dancing
Yeah
Show us the money
Joe Lycett
Don’t call me a bastard, I’m a wanker
Kick it in the head, call the banker
Benders liked Beckham
But no more
Joe shreds the loot
He shoots he scores
|
||||
4. |
||||
5. |
||||
6. |
God Save Our Quids
00:48
|
|||
|
God save our gracious Queen
Although it’s quite obscene
Twelve million quid
Saving her noncey son
From pros-e-cu-tion
While there’s a smoking gun
Tw-elve mill-ion quiiiiiid
|
||||
7. |
||||
|
Meteorites from Mars are very rare
At Purdue University it’s a massive thing over there
It had been kept in a drawer
Nobody knew what for
Until somebody saw
Its potential
For the first time this century
A scientist has solved this Martian meteorite mystery
She crushed a piece of Mars
The planet, not the bar
Found something spectacular
Vomitoxin
Pig vomit toxin is the key
Now it’s been discovered in her laboratory
It came from the US
From Lafayette no less
She took a wild guess
And she cracked it
It fell to Earth In 1929
And now a Scottish scientist called Dr Aine O’Brien
An environmental and planetary
Organic geochemist at Glasgow University
Using mass spectrometry
Fucking smashed it
She found preserved organic molecules, put them in jars
Evidence which helped her learn more about life on Mars
The deoxynivalenol (DON for short)
Contaminated grain crops like corn, just as she had thought
It also made pigs throw up
|
||||
8. |
Here We Go Again
01:36
|
|||
|
Oh, hear this Nicola Sturgeon
The last time we met
We played a song by Whyte & Mackay
Called ‘Just Say Yes’
Now there’s another referendum
In 2023
If we have to sing it again
It better be without tears
Ah, here she comes (here we go)
Here she comes, (here we go) here she comes again (here we go)
The same old tainted lady
From the brow of the superbrain
Don’t shit yourself again Scotland
Don’t let us down again
Or a couple of songs from my old scrapbook
Could send you home again
|
||||
9. |
How To Speak Fanny
01:11
|
|||
|
Robert Peston’s got a scoop
Got a scoop
Got a scoop
Robert Peston’s got a scoop
Hold the front page
Boris had his wife with him
Wife with him
Wife with him
Boris had his wife with him
They were drinking
Carrie Johnson likes a gin
Likes a gin
Likes a gin
Carrie Johnson likes a gin
Ooo er, crikey!
|
||||
10. |
||||
|
A Scottish Labour man
Looked at the thistle
And said we don’t need a rose anymore
We’ve got enough pricks and gristle
I’d like to have a plan
To try and save our world
But I’m just a Neanderthal man
Will you be my Neanderthal girl?
|
||||
11. |
||||
|
And I would do anything for love,
Even appear on Question Time
I would do anything for love,
Stick to my principles until I die
Oh I feel Fiona Bruce is speaking to me,
And I would do anything for love,
But I won’t get vaxxed
No I won’t do that
|
||||
12. |
||||
|
Flights of fantasy from your plush upholstered settee
Talking to some rich folk that you know
On the GBeebies, spewing conspiracies
Let your hair down and candy floss beard grow
Take them down little Neilie take them down
I know you think you’re the King of the Underground
Saying woke-a-nauts are using death spaniels
Ear flapping woke-a-nauts in space
Woke-a-nauts cancelling Christmas
And woke-a-nauts just laughing in your face
|
||||
13. |
Jubile
01:22
|
|||
|
Here’s a new word for the OED
A mixture of jubilant and servile
A portmanteau for the jubilee
Or juvenile, puerile and bile
I have a brand new word
Scorching when it lands
Jubile
Take it off my hands
Jubile, jubile, jubile
It was a typo on a poster
Stuck on a wall,
You’ve got to laugh
You’ve GOT to laugh
I have a brand new word
Jubilant and servile
Jubile
Jubilant and servile
Jubile, jubile, jubile
|
||||
14. |
||||
15. |
Pretty Much Bollocks
01:53
|
|||
16. |
Robbing From The Poor
02:30
|
|||
|
Robbing from the poor, giving to the rich
Robbing from the poor, giving to the rich
Moggy , Moggy, Moggy
Out out out
Into that ditch
Now’s the time to get up and do it
Now’s the time to forget that you blew it
Now’s the time to get up and do it
Now’s the time to forget that you blew it
Tap turns on the water, see the waters flow
Acorn makes a forest, watch the forest grow
Go
|
||||
17. |
Totally Tarbuck
02:05
|
|||
18. |
4000 Characters
00:55
|
|||
|
When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the man who does a parody
But if I go out, yeah I know it’s gonna be
It’s gonna be at least minus five degrees
When I’m typing, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man regretting what I do
And when I haver, I don’t really want to be
The man tweeting like Elon says we have to
And we will get 4,000 characters
And then 4,000 more
Until we get 400,000
Filling up our monitors
|
||||
19. |
||||
|
When I got back from Whitburn
My wife said that can’t be right
You said you were going to Winchburgh
I thought, Oh shite
The day I drove to Whitburn
Thinking I was going to Winchburgh
The day I drove to Whitburn
I get Inverary mixed up with Inverurie
Which is worse cos they’re on opposite sides of the country
Now I know I’m getting older
The day I drove to Whitburn
Thinking I was going to Winchburgh
|
||||
20. |
We Are Bereft
02:59
|
|||
|
I love watching twitter fall apart
The blue tick people tearing out their hearts
Cadaver eyes upon me see nothing
I love the sadness in their eyes
More farewells, more goodbyes
I never even knew your now rotting profile
While friends and lovers mourn your silly ways
They’re moving to Mastodon, darling
It’s because I view the modern world
as a spiritually bereft narcissistic clusterfuck
where nothing of real substance matters anymore*
Nihilism’s where it’s at
Swing on the chandeliers
Swing a dead cat
Embracing the absurdity
Of watching the ex health secretary
In a jungle on TV
That’s where we are
We are bereft
We are bereft
We are bereft
|
||||
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