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The Best Of The Daily Reckless 2020 - Vol​.​2

by Various Artists

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1.
Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please I'll have two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please I'll have some pickled onions And a little bit of cheese, please Thank you Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Eh, Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please And I've got all the right money And all that, please Thank you Oi! Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Ay! Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please I've been here half hour And I'm getting very thirsty! Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Over here! Oi! Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Why won't you serve me? Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Two pints of lager and a scotch egg, please Listen, I'm getting impatient, John! Two pints of lager and a scotch egg Two pints of lager and a ffs Two pints of lager and a scotch (Time, gentlemen, please!) Oh... Ooh
2.
Look at her smirk, look at her sigh Insincerity in her eyes Hooray went the Henrys, giving it big licks She's our nanny and dominatrix Hear them shout, hear them roar Let's form a square round the Prittster Hoorah, hoorah, hoorah Henrys Thrusting swords into thousands of civil servants Hoorah, hoorah, hoorah Henrys Hoorah, hoorah, hoorah Henrys And I'm absolutely sorry Are ye eh?
3.
Lockstep we gaily on we go Jack, McConnell and Carlaw Arm in arm with London - oh All for unionism Even if Scotland says No We're dragged down by the undertow Following orders, on we go All for unionism If you want to trace and track We have got an app for that Built by Cummings's pals -pure tat All for unionism Oh, step we gaily, on we go Heel for heel with Bojo All together in a shitshow All for unionism
4.
Cancelled with tears in my eyes I'm going hoarse from shouting my unheard cries Cancelled with tears in my eyes Living out a fantasy that no one hears my replies Oh my, I think that no-one's listening It's hard to believe that I have no voice Even though I write for a newspaper Over and over Cancelled from multimedia That everyone is reading and feeding you Cancelled - will nobody hear? Only the whole world - it's Orwellian, dear!
5.
"When you wake up this morning and run your shower, take a second to think about parents who've had their water turned off during lockdown" That's what Marcus Rashford tweeted A compassionate thing to say But the DWP Secretary She didn't see it that way "Water cannot be disconnected though" Therese Coffey - way to go Get to the valley below
6.
During the covid I've been drinking beer On sunny days I drink outside And you can hear it in my accent when I talk I'm an East coaster in Strathclyde See me walking down Byres Road With a kerry oot in tow I take it everywhere I walk I'm an East coaster in Kelvingrove Oh, I'm a criminal, I'm an actual criminal With a cold tinny in KG Oh, I'm a criminal, cracking open in the sun A cold tinny in KG Imagine Police Scotland cared about literally Any actual crime as much as they care about someone cracking open a cold tinny In KG under the sun Oh, I'm a criminal, I'm an actual criminal With a cold tinny in KG Oh, I'm a criminal, cracking open in the sun A cold tinny in KG
7.
Nobody wants lockdowns And to see the damage they do But if you want that dream to come true As quickly as it can come true Then you have to take the vaccine When it’s offered to you Low uptake will almost certainly Make restrictions last longer For now The other measures The tear measures The social distancing Have to stay in place If we relax too soon If we just kind of go oh Vaccine's here Let's abandon caution All you're gonna do Is create a tidal wave of infections And this vaccine's then got to work in a headwind To get back ahead of the game And that will make it harder And then the final point is, you know Everyone wants social distancing to come to an end We're fed up with it Nobody wants lockdowns And to see the damage they do But if you want that dream to come true As quickly as it can come true Then you have to take the vaccine When it’s offered to you You have to take the vaccine When it’s offered to you Stop For now The other measures The tear measures The social distancing Have to stay in place If we relax too soon If we just kind of go oh Vaccine's here Let's abandon caution All you're gonna do Is create a tidal wave of infections And this vaccine's then got to work in a headwind To get back ahead of the game But if you want that dream to come true As quickly as it can come true Then you have to take the vaccine When it’s offered to you You have to take the vaccine When it’s offered to you And finally, please stick to the guidance Until we say it is safe to stop For now The other measures The tear measures The social distancing But if you want that dream to come true As quickly as it can come true Then you have to take the vaccine When it’s offered to you
8.
"There’s a Glaswegian in Kensington Sainsbury’s..." Somebody wrote in a tweet "...asking security if they’ve seen his parakeet."
9.
The heating's on, in the hoose The thermostat's eating the juice Turn up the gas, cos I'm no fussed And the big light's on, it's August And the heating's on Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho Pishin doon and dreich, it's blowin a hoolie Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho (Tell me can you feel it) (Tell me can you feel it) (Tell me can you feel it) The heating's on
10.
Well, I've been hurkle-durkling It's 18th century slang For lounging about/lying in bed Reading back copies of Kerrang Kerrang - get up Kerrang - get up I can't be bothered, nah I'll just lie for a while In my duvet I'll be wrapped in eiderdown
11.
Didn't we have a lovely time with Jeremy Corbyn's brother Quarantine meals of jellied eels All for under a pound you know We booed the corona on megaphone and Slagged off Keir Starmer Singing a few of our favourite songs about donkeys Do you recall the thrill of it all as we walked through central London Then on the Strand we heard a brass band That played the Diddlely-Bump-Terrara You're not working class if you own an ass And earn "up to" ten million That's what we sang in the back of the van as the cops piled in We want to be free, there's a conspiracy trying to keep us quiet It's just a big fuss about this virus, it's all the fault of the government Oh Jeremy, I have a theory We're lions led by donkeys Just ask Keir, here have a beer, and we'll all get pished Wasn't it nice eating a choc ice and yelling boo to lockdown I always preferred Oasis to Blur And that rubbed Jeremy up the wrong way Joy Division's Isolation - I am not a big fan On yer bike, I really don't like them and No New World Order
12.
Julia 00:44
Most of what she says is meaningless Beside the point, not on the point, Julia Julia, Julia, cognitive pissonance Jumping to defend nazi urine, Julia
13.
Lady Bauchle 02:13
She's the lady, she's the lady bauchle She's the lady, the lady bauchle She's the lady, she's the lady bauchle She's the lady, the lady bauchle Now she's wrapped in ermine Scuttling with the vermin Ooohhhh What has she done? (Bang the orange drum) To save the union (She baked a bun) Her greatest achievement yet (Not that I'm taking bets) Is writing for the Glenrothes Gazette She's the lady, she's the lady bauchle She's the lady, she's bloody awful She's the lady, she's the lady bauchle She's a colonel, not a corporal, Have I got news for Bawjaws She championed the rape clause Ooohhhh On a photo-op (on a tank top) She likes to say No (except to a buffalo) She's such a clown (she'll say, Sit down) Such an arrogant clown She's the lady, she's the lady bauchle She's the lady, the lady bauchle She's the lady, she's the lady bauchle She's the lady, the lady bauchle A media confection No need to stand now for election Ooohhhh You can't handle the Ruth The whole Ruth And nothing but the Ruth
14.
Let's Do It 01:06
Birds do it, bees do it Even educated fleas do it Let's do it, let's declare independence Even the United States did it United Arab Emirates did it Let's do it, let's declare independence Hong Kong and South Africa did it Not to mention Iraq Canada and India did it - they're not going back Australia and New Zealand did it Saint Vincent and the Grenadines did it Let's do it, let's declare independence
15.
Someone asked the other day What was the first video game you played Well, if I remember right It was both exciting and shite A coin operated thrill ride And on the bleeding edge of game technology Apart from its simplicity The other thing that attracted me Was the fact that it was in my local chippy Yeah, I played Pong in the chip shop in the 70s 10 years before Spandau Ballet sang 'True' Yeah, I played Pong in the chip shop in the 70s Until I ran out of 10ps and Irn Bru
16.
Ruth Britannia, can ya rule the plebs They are getting uppity again Douglas loves ya and wants to declare war He couldnae fight a cold without asking his maw
17.
Say it ain't No, Murray Say it ain't No Now you're working for the SNP And they've got a right to know Say it ain't No, Murray Say it ain't No I'm sure you wouldn't lie to us so Wiggle your big toe Pronounce your vowels carefully to keep face How now brown cow Manipulated media all over the place Like the Daily Record Vow The image and the empire may be falling apart 2014 seems a long way away Forgive and forget and bring the country together Better late than never, eh? Say it ain't No Murray, say it ain't No The Daily Reckless will still continue To be the Daily Record's foe Say it ain't No, Murray Say it ain't No Murray Head, knees, Foote and Boomps a Daisley They're the guys in the know
18.
Sharon 00:52
19.
D'you ever seem to have one of those days where nationalism's just not doing it for you anymore? Well you know, I used to have those just about all the time. But I found a way to get out of it Let me tell ya 'bout it... Standing in St Andrews Square - the Melville Monument 150 feet dedicated to a cunt He was against abolishing slavery It's time this evil bastard was thrown into the sea Pulling down the statues Pulling down the statues From Edward Colston to Winston Churchill The sight of all these racists carved in concrete makes me ill Meanwhile back in Edinburgh, making sure the coast is clear Lookin' in Harvey Nicols, nah, there ain't nobody here I'm clambering up the column with hammers and a rope Determined to chisel, determined to choke Pulling down the statues Pulling down the statues Subverted by thuggery - that's what Johnson said He's a stalwart of buggery, time to kick them all in the head
20.
This royal house wants doing over This royal house wants demolishing This royal house is home and comfort To old queens and pretend kings This royal house has run its course now This royal house is taking the piss Sending their creepy kids on trains To further spread the virus We don't need this house no longer We don't need this house no more They're all non essential workers Flouting riches to the poor Ain't got time to be obsequious To Brenda, Will or Kate We don't need this house no longer So get ready to meet your fate

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released December 18, 2020

cover photo: @JimmerUK

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