Cunt Of The Century

by Various Artists

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1.
We all know the news is fake They're calling me a Jaffa Cake And Cheesy Wotsit Oompa Loompa man They're questioning my hue, and cry "He's as red as his massive tie" And then they make fun of my tiny hands Money talks It says I'll buy the truth and call it Fox news And if anyone has a question 'Bout my complexion I'll tell yer it's good genes I'm so fit Cos of all of those smashing orangey bits Belisha beacons pale next to my face I'm a special case Covered in good genes Ooh, when I go out at night I ruin traffic lights And light up the whole sky I'll make you cringe I'll even make a rhyme with orange I'll make a deal - the biggest and the best Forever in hi-vis - yes I'm covered in good genes
2.
I know more about history than anyone So here's a history class I'm gonna teach you a lesson Get medieval on your ass Before they invented rocks and stones Before they invented steel Cavemen fought with dinosaurs And invented the wheel Why don't you ask them who's doing all the crimes? Why don't you tell them it's the New York Times You'll get so lonely Making up history It ain't you only You got something to say? The wheel is older than the wall The wheel is older than the wall The Romans and Egyptians Invented the house America was discovered By Mickey Mouse In the beginning was the word And the word was guns, right? Before they invented colour Everything was black and white Why don't you ask them what they are gonna do Why don't you tell them you invented irn bru You'll get so lonely When they lock you away It ain't you only You got something to say? The wheel is older than the wall The wheel is older than the wall
3.
Nobody has more brains than me It's cos I scoop your skulls like a zeitgeist zombie Nobody has more brains than me I am the smartest fellah To never close an umberella ella I just love myself I'm being held up by the media I've got the best health and I know more than wikipedia Happy days are here again Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days Wednesday, Thursday, show us yer brains Nobody has more brains than me It's cos I scoop your skulls like a zeitgeist zombie Nobody has more brains than me I am the smartest fellah To never close an umberella ella Ooh somebody call up MENSA I call a wall a fence A woooooo I've got a werewolf IQ
4.
Backin’ up, constipated Tweetin’ rage with his scants down Went the distance, now he’s back on his feet Just a man and his compacted bowel When he was young, it happened so fast He’s traded glory for ex-lax He’s lost his grip, as he rage tweets his blast He must fight just to tweet out his shite It’s the diet of no fibre Taking pills for a shite Sitting down to the struggle with his iPhone So the capslock slave driver stalks his prey out of spite While he’s watchin’ Fox News with his scants, round his ankles Tweet to tweet, his buttocks gain heat Talkin’ tough, always hungry He’s in the cludgie as we take to the streets Still tweeting blame on crooked Hilary It’s the diet of no fibre Taking pills for a shite Sitting down to the struggle with his iPhone So the capslock slave driver stalks his prey out of spite While he’s watchin’ Fox News with his scants, round his ankles
5.
6.
News Flash 00:47
Scientists say it isn't a fake There could be life because of a lake On Mars In showbusiness facts, someone with an axe Has smashed up Donald Trump's Hollywood Star More as we get it...
7.
Wouldn't it be nice if I said would? Would a woodchuck chuck wood if it could? Wouldn't I lie to you? Of course I would A double negative is not no good There was no collusion (Would, wouldn't - aye ee ah) There was no collusion (Would, wouldn't - aye ee ah) There was no collusion (Would, wouldn't - aye ee ah) There was no collusion (Would, wouldn't - aye ee ah)
8.
The racists are raging Burning their shoes They don't like Nike Nike All this commotion For taking the knee Affecting their psyche Crikey You Your socks are on fire Hand me my scissors I'll cut off my swoosh Hate immigration Integration Home of the braindead Land of the freaks For self-immolation Just do it You Your socks are on fire
9.
There’s only been 5 times in the last 105 years that an incumbent President has won seats in the Senate in the off year election. Mr. Trump has magic about him. This guy has magic coming out of his ears. He is an astonishing vote getter & campaigner. (you'll like this not a lot) Mr Trump has magic, you know Never believe it's not so He's magic, you know Never believe, it's not so In the last two years It's coming out his ears Astonishing vote getter and campaigner Pick a card, any card CNN - you're barred Chop a woman in half and then drain a swamp Mr Trump has magic, you know Look at that oompa loompa go He's tragic, you know Never believe, it's not so Pulling rabbits out Of a hat and shout Don't look at the man behind the curtain Smoke and mirrors here Make the Statue of Liberty disappear Outshining David Copperfield in a certain light Mr Trump has magic, you know "Been a long time, they've got nothing, zero" "And I think I know more -- and I think I know more than they know." Never believe, it's not so
10.
Raking Bad 01:05
The President of America met the President of Finland The President of America met the President of Finland Apparently they talked about raking the forest floor But one president said the other was just talking out his hole I don't go out in rainy weather I don't know my Paradise from my Pleasure I don't know my arse from my elbow I'm the President of the United States of America
11.
Jim Acosta in the White house I don't like how you speak to me Or the way you treat Sarah Huckabee Mia Love gave me no love I'm not sure that I should be happy or sad I think she could have won that race But she didn't want to have any embrace I want them to come into the country But they have to come in legally Jim Acosta in the White house I can't hide (Acosta in the White house) I won't let Jim Acosta inside (Acosta in the White house) He keeps on haunting me (Acosta in the White house) Just keeps on reminding me (Acosta in the White house) In my mind I know you're gone I'll give you voter suppression It's such a hostile media, it's so sad That's such a racist question For though we're far apart You're always in my heart Jim Acosta in the White house I can't hide (Acosta in the White house) I won't let Jim Acosta inside (Acosta in the White house) He keeps on haunting me (Acosta in the White house) Just keeps on reminding me (Acosta in the White house) I just keep hearing your footsteps on the stairs (Acosta in the White house) When I know there's no-one there (Acosta in the White house) Everyday I love you more (Acosta in the White house) So much more than the day before (Acosta in the White house) Sittin' in my easy chair I feel your fingers runnin' through my hair Lookin' down in my covfefe cup I think I see your face lookin' up All alone in my gloom Your voice echoes through the room Jim Acosta in the White house I can't hide (Acosta in the White house) From the ghost of your love that's inside (Acosta in the White house) It keeps on haunting me (Acosta in the White house) Just keeps on reminding me (Acosta in the White house)
12.
What she did with her emails Is so criminal Is so dishonest Is so shocking She was willing to risk our foreign enemies reading her emails She lied a dog on her emails She lied like a dog (Lock her up! Lock her up!) Ivanka sent some personal emails Naughty pup Don't lock her up Yuk yuk yuk yuk (Lock her up! Lock her up!) Her dad said Hillary should go to jail Shut her up Lock her up Yuk yuk yuk (Lock her up! Lock her up!) But wait, it's not hypocrisy If ignorance is your plea Just say you didn't know that it was wrong That's OK, move along Move along I guarantee one thing We're gonna be talking about those emails Every moment of every day I'd rather rake a forest than a street Yes, I would If I could I surely would I'd rather let the poorest take the heat Oh I have I really have I surely have (Lock her up! Lock her up!) This is the biggest scandal since Watergate She should be in prison
13.
The Saudi Arabia crown prince He gives me loads of cash I'm not the person to convince He might be a little rash Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Out of the doorway assassins rip Goodbye Khashoggi He only killed one journalist He only killed one journalist Crown prince Mohammed bin Salman He only killed one journalist Hey, we can still be friends He only killed one journalist
14.
Einstein? Uh Go Go Einstein? Uh Go Go Einstein? Uh Go Go Donald says climate change Is a hoax and not man made Even so, come the judgement day I'll be the one who's saved Einstein? Uh Go Go Einstein? Uh Go Go Einstein? Uh Go Go I've got facts I know the truth You're all corrupt you're all depraved A few devices around the place I'll blow you all away "God does not play dice with the world" That's my job, it's alright in my world (We're all doing well) But still there's ice in the world I wish you could go to Greenland Einstein? Uh Go Go Einstein? Uh Go Go You better watch out you better beware Einstein? Uh Go Go Albert said that E equals M C squared
15.
Trump's actual words: "I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don't have a musical instrument. I don't have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ....Really we do it without like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important."

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released February 22, 2019

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Various Artists Scotland, UK

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