Arse

by Various Artists

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1.
Ruptured barnacle Clinging to a sinking country, desolate Will nature make a man of this mess? Crashing through Downing Street This charmless man Why bother with complexity When the lies run smooth While you practice deceit? A woolen bag of shite Who hasn't got a stitch to wear This man is so gruesome As if someone so loathsome would care Ah! A Pilsbury doughboy Coked up on privilege He said "I don't touch ching" He knows fuck all about most things He knows fuck all about most things A woolen bag of shite Who hasn't got a stitch to wear This man is so gruesome As if someone so loathsome would care La, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charmless man Oh, la-la, la-la, la-la, this charmless man Ah! A jumped up Trump fan boy Landfill with a face He said "I don't touch ching" He knows fuck all about most things He knows fuck all about most things He knows fuck all about most things He knows fuck all about most things
2.
He went up to Oxford with a thirst for knowledge He studied Classics at Balliol College That's why I Caught his eye He told me that his dad was loaded I said "I wish I'd known that before I voted" He said "Fine" And in thirty years' time He said "I want the votes of gammon people I want to do whatever gammon people do I want to sleep with gammmon people I want to sleep with gammon people like you" Well, what else could I do? I voted to leave the EU He took me out of the Single Market I don't know why but he had to start it Somewhere So he started there I said "What happened to all the NHS money?" He just laughed and said "Oh you're so funny" I said "Yeah? Well, I can still see foreigners over here" Are you sure you want to live like gammon people? You want to see whatever gammon people see You want to sleep with gammon people You want to sleep with gammon people like me But he didn't understand He just smiled and waved his hand Buy a flat on the Costa del Sol Don't learn to speak in Español Smoke some fags and drink some beer Pretend you always lived round here But still you'll never get it right Cause when you're laid in bed at night Watching your pension value fall If he cancelled A50 he could stop it all You'll never live like gammon people You'll never do whatever gammon people do You'll never fail like gammon people You'll never watch your life slide out of view And drink and blame the EU Because there's nothing else to do String along the gammon people String them along it might just get you through Laugh along with the gammon people Laugh along even though they're laughing at you And the stupid things that you do Because you think that poor is cool You got the votes of the gammon people You got the votes of the gammon people You got the votes of the gammon people Like you la la la
3.
The 31st of October That's when it will be all over, yes it will That'll be the day the UK dies I am Boris Johnson's son Never heard nothin' but bad things about him Mother I'm depending on you to tell me the truth Mother just hung her head and said, son Boris is a lying cunt And so's his running partner Jeremy Hunt But when he lies, it's just a publicity stunt Boris is a lying cunt And so's his running partner Jeremy Hunt But when he lies, the press say it's a bit of fun Hey Mother! Is it true what they say that Boris never worked a day in his life And Mother, some bad talk goin' round town sayin' that Boris had three outside children And another wife, and that ain't right Heard some talk Boris doing some storefront preachin' Talking about saving souls and all the time leechin' Dealing in dirt, and stealing in the name of the Lords Mother just hung her head and said Boris is a lying cunt And so's his running partner Jeremy Hunt But when he lies, it's just a publicity stunt Boris is a lying cunt And so's his running partner Jeremy Hunt But when he lies, the press say it's a bit of fun Hey Mother I heard Boris called blacks piccaninnies Said they had watermelon smiles and then he Said homosexuals were bumboys And Muslim women pillar boxes Folks say Boris never was much on thinking Spent most of his time chasing women and drinking Mother I'm depending on you to tell me the truth Mother looked up with a tear in her eye and said, son
4.
Take a look at my boyfriend He's the only one I got He's my racist boyfriend Cos racism is really hot I'm gonna export running water And Mars Bars to America See the girls in California I'm hoping it's going to come true Oh there's such a lot I can do Could we have kippers for breakfast Mummy dear, mummy dear We'll have a full English Brexit When everyone's a millionaire I'm a winner, I'm a sinner Do you wannna play wiff waff? I'm a loser, what a joker I'm playing my jokes upon you While there's nothing better to do Ba-ba-ba-dow, ba-bow-dum-doo-de-dow-de-dow, de Ba-ba-ba-dow, ba-bow-dum-de-doo-de-dow Na na na, nana na na na na
5.
Crazy Boris 02:26
There's an arsehole with floppy hair Yes, it's Boris Johnson, he was London Mayor He's a pillock, but those cockernees Thought it funny to make him big cheese What a show, there he goes befriending Merseyside, yeah If it wasn't for 'Have I Got News For You' he'd have died without a trace Crazy Boris Crazy Boris He's a fop, he's a real fun guy Flopping around London on his wee pushbike The last incumbent was a fan of newts But this new one, he prefers jackboots What a show, there he goes sweeping back his fringe, yeah A million cockneys every day open their Evening Standard and pray So take a good look around See what you've done
6.
Kim Darroch 02:01
UK Ambassador leaking out the diptels US president dishing dead cat smells Don and Boris - Clumsy and Inept, hey Spoiling us with Ferrero Rocher Kim Darroch, Kim Darroch, roch roch roch He gone He gone Trump says Kim's a very stupid guy Johnson is the apple of his eye Undiplomatic, uncivil service Totally wild and totally selfish Kim Darroch, Kim Darroch, roch roch roch He gone He gone Kim Darroch, Kim Darroch, roch roch roch He gone He gone
7.
Goodbye EU mistrusted friend We've known each other since I was nine or ten Together we learned Portugese Learned of aubergines and cheese Fell on our arses and our knees I've read the bible and you know I'm going to quote from it cos I'm Bojo There's that bit in Exodus That I think applies to us I'll say it now with my smug pus We have blinked, we have baulked We have bottled it, we're borked Channel Moses to Pharaoh And let my people go We have blinked, we have baulked We are tight arsed, we are taut We'll quote Latin, Greek, Hebrew Cos we've fuck all else to do
8.
One of the best sights on a London street today Is an elongated vehicle that likes to bend both ways But what we would like to hear so that it can warn us Is the sound of an accordion when it goes round corners Oh bendy, bendy, bendy, bendy ,bendy bus You are very trendy and so say all of us Please sign the petition Oh it would be such bliss If every time you turned a corner it sounded like this… Oh bendy, bendy, bendy, bendy ,bendy bus You’re not very good at going in reverse Please sign the petition Oh it would be such bliss If every time it turned a corner it sounded like this…
9.
Brexit Clown 03:28
I sing the national anthem To remind me of the empire When we waived the rules With servants and slaves Sing God Save The Queen And try to not sound sour Hope that God exists I hope, I pray Drawn by the undertow UK is out of control I believe Scotland can still escape So let it go [Chorus] Brexit clown Brexit clown Brexit clown That's what they call me Ow ow ow ow ow ow Brexit clown Oh misery Now I'm depressed to hear I don't get to go to some far off places It's hard to carry on On a zip wire alone Now I've swung back down again It's worse than it was before We'll sell the NHS Anyhow by the back door [Chorus] Those who feel the breath of sadness Sit down next to me Those who find they're touched by madness Sit down next to me Those who find themselves ridiculous Sit down next to me In ignorance, in fear, in hate, In ignorance, in fear, in hate In ignorance, in fear, in hate In ignorance and fear Down, Down
10.
I ain't gonna work on Boris Johnston's Baby Farm no more The conditions are intolerable and my sword arm is sore King Herod is the foreman - I think it is against the law I ain't gonna work on Boris Johnston's Baby Farm no more I ain't gonna work on Boris Johnston's Baby Farm no more I am tired of hacking heads off, I'm knee deep in blood and gore Now they want to make a documentary on Channel 4 I ain't gonna work on Boris Johnston's Baby Farm no more
11.
Don't come round here, Don't come round here, We've done away with Project Fear We've moved on to Project Farce Boris Johnson - what an arse The cunt, the cunt, the country Is rudderless and all at sea The Labour Party's not been idle They've gone all mass suicidal There's no Plan A, There's no Plan B, There's no Plan C, There's no Plan D, There's no Plan E, There's no Plan F, They're speechless, blind and fucking deaf Don't come round here, Don't come round here, We've done away with Project Fear We've moved on to Project Farce Boris Johnson - arse!
12.
Who's that crawling up Whitehall? Heading for a great big fall A cross between Siegfried and Roy And one of their tigers, boy Boris The Ligor... Creepy, Crawley like Paul Morley Creepy creepy crawly crawly Pauly Pauly Morley Morley Mixing up tigers and lions Is dodgy at the best of times But throw in a London mayor Makes it a complete nightmare Boris The Ligor... (Night Mayor)
13.
Porton Down 03:16
Step down get out of town Down down deeper and down Down down Porton Down Down down deeper and down I want all the world to see To see you're lying, that you're lying through your teeth F.O. Delete those tweets Again again again again Again again again and Boris Johnson Step down Boris Johnson Down down Boris Johnson Down down deeper and down Porton, Porton Down We have found you out you see We know what you are doing to the fucking country Keep shtum the BBC Again again again again Again-gain-gain-gain you fucking clown Step down Boris Johnson Down down you fucking clown Over Porton Down Down down deeper and down

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released July 23, 2019

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Various Artists Scotland, UK

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