1. |
Fade Away And Masturbate
04:07
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GBeebies, I hear you are dying
Wrapped by Andy in a black black studio
Fade away and masturbate
Fade away and masturbate
GBeebies, Darren Grimes is left
Vibrating softly under his desk
Slavering anchors move so slow
Down the tubes away ye go
Gammon faces seem to merge
Hidden voices mocked your words
Fade away and masturbate
Fade away and masturbate
Somebody took the knee
Your ratings just went weeeeee
Was it all just a bad dream?
Mr Neil has left the scene
Dusty memes will carry on
Long after 2021
Fade away and masturbate
Fade away and masturbate
Somebody took the knee
Your ratings just went weeeeee
Fade away and masturbate
Fade away and masturbate
Fade away and masturbate
Fade away and masturbate
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2. |
Failure
00:42
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I’ve been double vaccinated
But I’m not going to your gigs
It’s not just because you’re an arrogant tosser
But you’re just a racist prick
Failure, you’ve got a fucking cheek
Failure, overprivileged and meek
Failure, clapped out, he’s a noxious guy
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3. |
||||
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We’re the Gbeebies
Sounding sad upon your TV screens
Cos nobody is listening
Our mothers cried
They’re embarrassed, who’d blame them?
But we’ve grown (we’re grown ups)
So grown (so grown up)
Now I must say more than ever
(Come on Arlene)
Oh jahoor a toora loo rye ay
We’ve got a new star signing
Come on Arlene, oh I swear you’ll be seen*
At this moment, we’ll take anything
Farage is still here, as is Neil Oliver
But Andy Neil’s not so keen,
So come on Arlene!
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4. |
This Flight Attendant
03:12
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“Sumthin’s about to go down”
“M-m m-m m-m m-m m-m
Mummify your ass now
M-m m-m m-m m-m m-m
Mummify your ass”
“I’m a flight attendant
I’m a flight attendant
That means I attend the flight”
“Sometimes our job has us attending to crazy people
If you push us too far you gonna have to attend this ass whooping.”
“You see, because on this particular flight
I’m sitting in the jump seat
And I’m just looking at him
At the damn fool
He spittin’ and cussin’ and goin’ crazy.
I say, ‘That’s enough!'”
You’ve got that touch so gentle and sweet
But you’ve got that look so cryptical
Can’t talk to you babe, you know I get so weak
Sometimes I think that love is just mythical
“I got up and I walked over there.
And by the way this man smelled like:
A pack of Marlboro cigarettes,
A full shot of Everclear alcohol.
And regret.
So I know sumthin’s about to go down.
At this point he’s touching all over my co-worker’s breasts.”
Starbright, starbright, you’ve got the lovin’ that I like
Turn this crazy bird around
Should not have got on this flight tonight
“And where he fucked up at
Is when he touched my titties
Cos I don’t play there.
So what I did is I took out the duct tape.
I said ‘cch ccch’
He got scared
He started stuttering
Saying ‘h-h-hold up
‘W-w-w-wait a minute
Somethin’ ain’t right.’
I said. ‘Yeah, we’re about to
M-m m-m m-m m-m m-m
Mummify your ass now, boy.’
So we wrapped him up.
Prrrrrppphh.
Better than any Christmas present you ever seen.
He won’t be coming on no more Frontier flights
At all.”
They’re singin’, “Goodbye baby
Baby bye-bye
Ooh! Love is blind”
Up go the flaps, down go the wheels
Hope you got your heat turned on, baby
Hope they’ve finally fixed your automobile
Hope it’s better when we meet again, babe
Starbright, starbright, you’ve got the lovin’ that I like
Turn this crazy bird around
Should not have got on this flight tonight
Should not have got on this flight tonight
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5. |
Pent It Up
01:25
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I’m calm on the surface, but in the kind of mood that if
the milk was off and curdled my coffee, I’d hurl the cup against the wall
but I understand this so I’ve been having black coffee
Know your emotions is what I’m saying
Pent it up, cos you don’t really need it
Pent it up, cos you don’t need to feel it
Let your emotions out, that’s what people scream and shout
Talk about it, talk about it, talk, talk, talk
It’s getting out of hand, that’s what you don’t understand
Pent it up, don’t talk about it
Pent it up, we don’t want to hear it
don’t want to hear it
don’t want to hear it
Hey
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6. |
Geronimo
02:52
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Geronimo died for somebody’s sins but not mine*
Killed by DEFRA
Dragged from his farm
Their hearts of stone
Now they’ve been owned
They said he had TB
People said “beware!”
But they didn’t care
Words are just
Rules and regulations – it’s TB, TB
Put a rope round his neck, you know they looked so proud
Movin’ in this here atmosphere where anything’s allowed
The Conservative party – they just get bored
Until they look out the window, see a sweet young thing
Humpin’ on the parking meter, leanin’ on the parking meter
Oh, he looks so good, oh, he looks so fine
And they got this crazy feeling about an alpaca, make him mine
Ooh I’ll put my spell on him
Here he comes
Walkin’ down the field
Here he comes
Comin’ through the gate
Here he comes
Crawlin’ up the ramp
Here he comes…
And the name is, and the name is, and the name is, and the name is Geronimo oh oh
Geronimo
Geronimo oh oh
Geronimo died for somebody’s sins
Geronimo died for somebody’s sins
but not mine
Geronimo
Geronimo oh oh
*line by @smokeybarkid
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7. |
Monobrowed Girl
02:18
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Hey, where do we go?
What is a nightclub?
Nobody knows
But it isn’t the pub
Can I go dancin?, hey, hey
Skippin’ the queue, jumpin’ in
I don’t need no covid certificate
Oh, our hearts a-thumping and you
Monobrowed girl
You don’t need ID, Ian Brown girl
And whatever happened
To going to discos?
Going down the discotheque
Dancing to Right Said Fred
Van Morrissey as well
And Eric Clapton
All of them are dull as hell
Compared to you
My monobrowed girl
You don’t need ID, Ian Brown girl
Do you remember when we used to sing
Sha la la I’m too sexy for vaccine passports
Sha la la I’m too sexy for vaccine passports
You’re not getting in mate
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8. |
Vera Lynn Resurrected
01:44
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We’re bringing back the blitz
Vera Lynn resurrected
We’re gonna use the groat
Imperial not metric
Mmmm Brexit
Eating tripe and gruel
Watching Love Thy Neighbour
And Mind Your Language
And just for a second I thought I remembered the EU
So now I’m alone
Now I can think for myself
About jellied eels
And war
And things that I just don’t understand
Like, well most things really
Bring back rationing I say
We’ve got the food shortages for it
Imperial not metric
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9. |
Microbachius Dicki
01:00
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Sex was invented in Scotland
In case you didn’t know
By Microbachius Dicki
It was a little tricky
But they did it very well
Oh what a glorious nation
We invented copulation
A fish, not a crustacean
Having sexual relations
In a loch, of all locations
It was quite a sensation
The beginning of creation
In a sideways gyration
Well, you ask Microbachius Dicki
If it ended up sticky
He’s not big but he’s a thicky
Microbachius Dicki
And he did it very well
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10. |
Petrol Station Wankers
02:07
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11. |
Grand Old Duke
00:32
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Oh the grand old Duke of York
Had no discernible income
So the queen is coughing up for him
Now isn’t that fair dinkum
So when you’re old and greying
And your pension is fraying
Just remember he’s getting millions from his mum
And we’re all paying
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12. |
Dominic Raab, Oaf
01:13
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I don’t know what misogyny means
Words are not my strong point you see
Doo doo doo..
Woman or man, just give me a sign
Catch me breathing out my mouth every time
Do do do do do do do dodo dododo dodo
In touch with no-one
What have I done? I’ve not a clue
Smell like an arse, I’m lost in this farce
I am Dominic Raab, oaf
Give me an M
Give me an I
Give me an S,O,G,Y,N,Y
What does that spell?
You’ll have to tell me
I am Dominic Raab, oaf
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13. |
Bullshit Blitz
01:31
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Are you ready Iain? Yes, Exactly
Michael? Yes. Yes.
Boris? …….
Alright fellas, let’s go!
Oh this is getting easy
Just spaffing about the blitz spirit
All the oiks and papers
Gobble up this mountain of bullshit
Oh, I see a man in the back as a matter of fact
He is reading The Sun
And a woman with a column that no one ignores
She thinks she’s the passionate one
Oh yeah! It was like lightning
Those nazis were frightening
But the bombs were so soothing
And the Brits were just grooving
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah
And the man in the back said, “Everyone attack”
And it’s turned into a bullshit blitz
And the woman in her column said, “Get back to your office”
Like they did in the good old blitz
Bullshit blitz, bullshit blitz, bullshit blitz, bullshit blitz
It’s, it’s a bullshit blitz
It’s, it’s a bullshit blitz
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14. |
A Tale Of Two Williams
01:27
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One is the oldest man in space
The other is just a disgrace
One’s full of wonder at 90
But which one is the daddy?
Oh yes it’s true, we’re going warp factor 2
A tale of two Williams
Who?
Who’s Captain Kirk?
William Shatner
Who’s Prince William?
Is he is son?
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15. |
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Popular boys names
Like David and James
Are still holding on
But there’s something wrong
Now there are extremes
Thanks to Film and memes
Lucifer, Hercules
Beat all of these
Oliver and John, Ted
Jonathan and Ian, Jed
Even Jean Paul Sartre
Nigels are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
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16. |
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One man and his website
Tried to fool the BBC
Into thinking he was all of Scottish hospitality
But he should’ve known better
It didn’t work out too well
Turns out it was just one bloke
Advertising his hotel
Oh, the Scottish Hospitality Group’s not a group at all, you see
Just the friends and family of Stephen Montgomery
Hey!
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17. |
Rishi Sunak
01:09
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His daddy in law is a billionaire
He’s got a few bob himself to be fair
He’s risen smoothly from private schooling you see
On to Oxford and then the city
Now he’s the chancellor, it’s not sinister
Next stop, you guessed it, prime minister
Rishi Sunak
That’s what I say
Rishi Sunak
The papers and TV fawn over him like he’s the queen
They gotta do that, they gotta do that
The obseqiousness of all of it is quite obscene
Yeh yeh yeh
And now we’re entering another brave age
Of optimism, just ignore the sewage
The future’s brown and the future’s slimy
We’ll all be wading through the slurry
He’ll keep on smiling, cos that’s all he can do
He’s so beguiling, you know that it’s true
Rishi Sunak
That’s what I say
Rishi Sunak
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18. |
Concrete Grows
01:24
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The concrete and the clay beneath my feet
Begins to crumble
But it will never die
It grows and grows, you mustn’t grumble
It’s true, you can’t deny it
So you can keep your trees
And your carpentry
That’s the way
Mmm, that’s the way it’s meant to be
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19. |
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20. |
Loch Ness Monster
01:07
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Cop brains are fried through misuse
Through misuse, through misuse
COP26 cop abuse
Cop abuse, cop abuse
With all your pals, you’re let loose
You’re let loose, you’re let loose
Take off, get out, no excuse
No excuse, no excuse
How many cops does it take to arrest the Loch Ness Monster
The Loch Ness Monster
How many cops does it take to arrest the Loch Ness Monster
The Loch Ness Monster
It takes 18 cops from COP26 to catch a monster
The Loch Ness Monster
It takes 18 cops from COP26 to catch a monster
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21. |
Close To Royalty
01:13
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Why do birds fall down from the sky,
Every time you walk by?
Unlike me, you’re a member of the royal family
With a shotgun*
Why do fools get down on one knee
For a sword and OBE
Unlike me, they long to be
Close to you
On the day that you were born the system got together
And put a set of silver spoons in your mouths
So that you can go on killing sprees and murder pheasants, peasants, even grouse
*words: @TheRealSteveDay
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