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Now That's What I Call Lockdown Christmas

by Various Artists

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1.
Don't come, all ye faithful Covid is triumphant Don't come ye, Don't come ye to ma hoose this year There is no turkey And no pigs in blankets O Christ and there's no pudding O Christ and there's no pudding O Christ and there's no pudding Christ I'm bored
2.
I'm dreaming of a white crisp mask To shove over my nose and mouth Well I might be freezin But when I'm sneezin None of my droplets will come out, oh oh I'm dreaming of a white crisp mask Don't wanna spread the rona wide May your nose be itchy and red And may all your rellies no get dead
3.
Hark! the herald hand gels sing Glory to the new washing! Keep your palms and digits fresh Scrub for 20 secs Some of them are pretty icky Viscuous, clammy and sticky Some are thin and useless though Christ it's hard to let them soak in Hark! the herald hand gels sing Get lubed up and get stuck in!
4.
Feliz Covidad Feliz Covidad Feliz Covidad Prospero año y felicidad Feliz Covidad Feliz Covidad Feliz Covidad Prospero año y felicidad I'm bloody sick of coronavirus I'm bloody sick of coronavirus I'm bloody sick of coronavirus From the bottom of my heart
5.
6.
Oh little town of deathly phlegm, try to keep the noise down Some of us are trying to be optimists, but not Ian Brown Yet in thy dark streets shineth, the everlasting light The hopes and fears of this crap year might just not end in shite
7.
Pfizer Mommy kissing Santa Claus Between his elbow and his upper arm There's a vaccine going round Are you listening Ian Brown? Your anti vax conspiracies Just make you look a clown Pfizer mommy tickle Santa Claus Just beneath his shoulder, gie's a shot Oh, what a laugh it would have been If Ian Brown had seen Pfizer kissing Santa Claus last night
8.
The first no smell, the doctors do say Is a certain symptom of the covid, I'm afraid And obviously a cough and a shiver as well So keep keeping your distance and using hand gel No smell, No smell, No smell, No smell Get ti yer scratcher, you're definitely no well
9.
Trackin' around the Christmas tree In a Sainsbury's car park Mistletoe hung so you can see They are just being sarcastic Trackin' around the Christmas tree It's a temporary thing We'll stay inside our own bubble And squeak some caroling You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear Your app pinging, let's be jolly You've been traced, don't get melancholy Trackin' around the Christmas tree Isolate this holiday Everyone dancin' merrily Keeping six feet away
10.
A hands face spaceman came travelling From behind his lectern he preached He said follow these rules Don't be fools For they shall not be breeched And his name was Professor Van Tam, La la la la la la la la la Professor Van Tam
11.
Here come old bawjaws with another catchphrase More verbal diaorhhea, more drooling mayonaise Grab a cliché from the ashtray Pretend that you care Bumble like a womble And ruffle your hair It’ll be normal by Christmas So spaff your money It’ll be normal by Christmas Milk and honey Let’s all pretend this will end And we’ll be covid free By Christmas
12.
We’re forever forming baubles Bloody hell, what next, eh? I’m level 3 You are level 4 So I cannot travel to see you no more The rules are always changing Are the pubs open or shut? We’re forever forming baubles Christmas can get ti fuck
13.
We were stuck together At Covidmas ho ho There was nothing on telly I dug out the video You scumbag, you maggot, you’ve taped over Taggart* Merry Christmas your arse, I’ve taped over the darts** And The Boys From The Blackstuff wiped as well I don’t know what to say Only Bells to drink us out our misery *@MhairiHunter **@Tucker5Law
14.
Oh piss, tier three Oh piss, tier three That's no fun now, is it? Oh piss, tier three Oh piss, tier three At least no one can visit Eat all my food and never shift Are never grateful for my gift Oh piss, tier three Oh piss, tier three It's worked out quite well actually words: @TheRealFlups
15.
He’s checking Twitter, He only needs to once He's going to find out it’s 99% cunts Santa Claus is staying at home

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Compilation of lockdown christmas songs inspired by the titles tweeted by @TheRealFlups

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released November 21, 2020

Titles 1 - 10 and 14 by @TheRealFlups

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Various Artists Scotland, UK

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