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Fork Hunts

by Various Artists

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1.
The morning sun touched lightly on The brains of Nadine Dorries In an empty dusty cavern Of an empty unused mind As she snarled like a numptie Dreaming of the big dog’s favours ‘Till the world turned to red And the room went spinning round At the age of thirty-seven She realised she’d never Ride through Whitehall in a sports car With the warm wind in her hair So she let her brain cells shrivel And continued to drivel Little nursery rhymes she’d memorised From Tory head office
2.
Rwanderer 00:35
Well, I’m the type of girl who likes to run her mouth off Never in one place, I’ve ran from post, I’ve pissed off I was worse than Priti, but we’re all the same I slag ’em and deport ’em they don’t even know my name They call me Rwanderer, yeah Rwanderer I roam around around around…
3.
Photographs of Ms Coffey, time of her life at karaoke She thinks of all the cakes she licks And all the benefits she’s going to fix Gove’s drilling in Peru, gives himself a little cuddle But there’s no place here for compassionate twaddle Capital punishment, that’s Priti’s model They call him Boris but his real name’s Alex I don’t want to go to Starbucks Oh no, I’m not commuting I’ve seen that contagion movie I don’t want to breathe your germs I’m enjoying work from home I don’t want to go to Costa Everybody’s got new orders Be a nice girl, back in office While the teachers live in dread And the kids catch long covid Men come screaming, dressed in frock coats Shake you very gently by the purse One’s named Mogg, one’s named Rishi I don’t want a Pret A Manger Oh no, I’m not commuting I’ve seen that contagion movie I don’t want to breathe your germs I’m enjoying work from home I don’t want to go to Costa
4.
There’s no point in basking On the Golan Heights Or sunbathing while wearing tights Oh fancy bumping into you Benjamin Netanyahu Priti Patel Situation Vacant Priti Patel Situation Vacant Don’t ask us to fund The Israeli army Just don’t Patel, it’s not pretty You believe your own delusions to further your career You can stuff your cheap comments And move to North Korea What you like?! Priti Patel Situation Vacant Priti Patel Situation Vacant Oh what a pity Priti, Priti And now You don’t care Priti, Priti – fey cunt Priti, Priti – fey cunt Priti, Priti – fey cunt Priti, Priti – fey cunt We don’t care
5.
6.
Well I’ve had a bowl of tofu And I’ve read The Guardian I’m gonna call the coalition Whip up some chaos if I can Well she’s the home secretary At war with the wokerati Scratch out their eyes You’re just mad and you’re not funny Suella Braverman You missed out sandals and tree hugging Suella Braverman Can you stand This woman Suella Braverman
7.
Nadine 00:44
I was shopping on the internets in my boxer shorts Electronically excited to exercise my sports I bought a bat and shuttlecock, I’m fully equipped All I need now is a tennis pitch Nadine, oh won’t you please help me Downstream a movie I really need a safe computer This one doesn’t have enough IT
8.
“When you wake up this morning and run your shower, take a second to think about parents who’ve had their water turned off during lockdown” That’s what Marcus Rashford tweeted A compassionate thing to say But the DWP Secretary She didn’t see it that way “Water cannot be disconnected though” Therese Coffey – way to go Get to the valley below
9.
Dorries 02:08
She was a girl from Liverpool Apparently she went to school She was a case of insanity Her name was Nadine, a cabinet MP She was an airhead who hated culture Circling the dead like an impatient vulture She was an animal She was a bloody disgrace Dorries, a tory animal Dorries, a tory animal Fuck this and fuck that Fuck it all and fuck the fucking brat We don’t need a braying twat like that I don’t want to have to look at that Dorries, a tory animal Dorries, she’s a monster Dorries, a tory animal Dorries, a tory animal An animal Another animal Another tory animal, an animal, an animal I’m not a body I’m not an animal, an animal I’m not an animal Tory Ugh
10.
Hi, I’m Nadine sooking amphetamines Hoping to get a buzz Lost in a brain fog In love with big dog Empty ideas R Us I’m not renowned for being profound But I can say what I like I make up statistics Thick as two short bricks I can’t even get my metaphors right 96% of my brain Doesn’t know what’s going on Like those who voted for Remain And millions who voted wrong Someone somewhere’s telling porkies Luckily I know best I am Nadine put me on morphine Give me and my senses a rest

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released October 28, 2022

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