Daily Reckless 2019

by Various Artists

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1.
Hi, my name is Mark Francois, (you're hard, you're hard) Behold my genitalia (my genitalia) My name sounds like it is French (Francois, Francois) But it's not, I am hench A sweaty bulldog in a suit Half man, half beetroot I am smug and in rude wealth, I like staring at Will Self I am in the ERG, And I was in the army (at weekends) Now I fight for the Brexit cause, And tell Phil Hammond 'Up yours!' I've got Jacob Rees Mogg's back, We should've been on Crackerjack (Crackerjack!) Some say I look like Peter Glaze (Crackerjack!) Try telling that to the kids these days I like driving people mad I think I'm hard, but I'm just sad Hi, my name is Mark Francois Yuk yuk yuk fnaar fnaar I'm as hard as nails I am Hard as nails I am I am
2.
Soubry - gimme gimme Wollaston Allen - o.k. showdown Berger - funny tinge Smith Coffey - o.k. showdown Shuker - gimme gimme Ryan Leslie - and Gapes showdown* Showdown Take them away They're as big as a ranch. Take them away They're as tough as they come. Ch - ch- ch- Chuka Vision, Chuka, Chuka vision Chuka Umunna He stands so high It's enough to make any Lib Dem cry. He knows what's right and he knows the tories are with him Cos he is right - Big Chuka. Ch - ch- Chuka Chuka and Anna - making whoopee with their squad. But their principles keep a-gettin' in the way It's making life awkward. So she says to him - Jeremy Corbyn Is getting right between us. Now listen honey That is true I agree with you my sweetness. Now Umunna if that's a fact Then how d'you propose we do our act? If that's the way it's gonna be We'll have to form a new party. Now listen Anna, stop your squawkin' Big Bad Chuka's doin' the talking. I know a trick we ought to try Turn right over - you'll know why. He stands so high It's enough to make any red skin cry He knows what's right and he knows the tories are with him Cos he is right - Big Chuka. Ch - ch- Chuka Take me away - Chuka Umunna is Big Cleggy Take me away - Chuka Umunna is Big Cleggy Take me away - Chuka Umunna is TIG heady
3.
Failing 02:54
I am failing I'm Chris Grayling I am hailing A taxi I'm e-mailing Michael Palin To make a non travel documentary I am bailing On the sailing Cos there's no ships for this ferry I'm downscaling Interrailing To a bus connection service Constantly Can you hear me, can you hear me (yes, unfortunately) Through the dark clouds, far away, I am dying, forever crying, (true) To be with you, who can say I'm the transport secretary I am trying, very trying Two billion plus, I've pissed away
4.
Noader Daim 01:15
Everybody's been To Notre Dame cathedral Unless you're American Then it's Noader Daim cathedral Wan cunt went to No Noader Daim cathedral Wan cunt and his dug Noader Daim cathedral Two cunts went to No Noader Daim cathedral Two cunts, wan cunt and his dug Noader Daim cathedral When it all burnt down They went on Instagram To post the photies of themselves all standing Outside Notre Dame Turning tragedy Into "Look at me, girl!" This is how we mourn these days Noader Daim cathedral Aw cunt went to No Noader Daim cathedral Oor cunt, your cunt, that cunt ower there, awbody's cunt Noader Daim cathedral No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no ,no, no Noader Daim Oi!
5.
It's getting late have you seen my mates Marr would have a field day It's one o'clock and I want to rock Cause a considerable affray The chamber's drunker than a barrel full of monkeys And Black Rod she's fizzing She looks cute in her pageboy suit And her sparkly mace and bling Bercow's had enough of the aggravation He's had it with the discipline Monday night's alright for a considerable affray Get a little action in Get a barrel of gunpowder on the go Gonna set this house alight May as well go out with a bang and a fight Monday night's alright alright alright Well they're packed pretty tight in here tonight I'm sick of being speaker, I just wanna have a fight I may use a little muscle, start a nasty rumour I may sink a little drink and shout out "Order!" One of the sounds that I really like Is the sound of my voice on the Commons mic I'm a juvenile product of the middle class An old school Tory with a broken glass I've had enough of the aggravation I've had it with the discipline Monday night's alright for a considerable affray Get a little action in Get a barrel of gunpowder on the go Gonna set this house alight There's been a considerable affray And I don't give a shite, alright, alright Considerable, siderable, siderable Siderable, siderable, siderable Siderable, siderable Considerable affray
6.
Well, shake it up, baby, now (Shake it up, baby) Splash the fash (splash the fash) C'mon c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby, now (Come on baby) Come on take out the trash (take out the trash) Well, every time you meet Tommy (every time) Make sure you got a milk shake (get a milk shake) Let's make it happen for Tommy(let's make it happen) Get him right in the face (right in the face) Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby) Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby) Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby) Well, shake it, shake it, shake it, baby, now (Shake it up baby)
7.
I'm Hancock, I contemplate The value of our precious union state I look off into the middle distance I know better than any of you cunts Every time you say Hancock It reminds you of a wank sock I know this, but I know I'm hot Excuse me while I pose in this fishing port I'm Matt, I'm at the barber In Fraserburgh harbour, My hair is cut and now I'm Staring thoughtfully at ya I can do 'look wistful in fog' Like a model in Freeman's catalogue I am moody, moody and mean My coat is the most shabby chic that you've ever seen I'm Matt, I'm at the barber In Fraserburgh harbour, I know it's north of Scarborough Is it near Skye and Lochaber?
8.
Liz Truss 01:48
Ooh ooh ooh Liz Truss Put this on the side of a bus Pork markets are us Say cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese... The minute we saw your face When you said that is a disgrace We fell about all over the place Comedy genius
9.
Starry starry eyed Paint your palette blue and gray Wash those liberal tears away From eyes that know the darkness in your soul Further your career Invite more tories in, don't hear Just how out of touch you appear And air your ignorance in public view I don't understand What you're trying to say to me Is it 'Go back to your constituency And prepare for victory'? No-one's listening and they never will You're so delusional For we cannot love you But still you twitter on And when no hope is left inside Those starry starry eyes You'll ditch your principles as liberals often do But I could have told you Swinson This world was never meant for one as untruthful as you
10.
Fuck off Scotland, off you fuck Off you fuck You whinging Jocks We've had enough of your socialist paradise Engerlund is twice as nice So fuck off Scotland Off you fuck Fuck off Scotland, off you fuck Off you fuck Your Mickey Mouse court was the last straw The last straw With our love light shining You just kept on whining So fuck off Scotland, off you fuck Oh remember when we said, 'Scotland we love you' We're better together Well now we don't like the things that you do So fuck off Scotland, off you fuck And take your Jimmy Shand records with you Good luck And your blessed Stornoway black pudding Washed down with bagpipe effluent So fuck off Scotland, off you fuck Have you forgotten how dependent you are on our generosity How we've selflessly funded you uncomplainingly So fuck off Scotland, off you fuck Off you fuck If we want to ruin our country Then we will, so tough It's none of your business How we fuck ourselves, so kiss this And fuck off Scotland, off you fuck
11.
Gove On 45 01:44
Right now, right now, right now it's time to Kick out the bams, motherfuckers Let's do it. You gotta beat the clock, you gotta beat the clock. This is not a Gove song A million Gove songs later... Gove in an elevator. Ballsing it up as we're going down The Power Of Gove - is a curious thing. Made Boris weep, made Sarah Vine sing. Paints a lie to a litle red bus. Unappealing, Crazy little thing called Gove Gove will tear us apart again What's Gove got to do, got to do with it? What's Gove, but a second hand demotion? Tainted Gove Gove is in the air Gove! Walk out the door! Don't turn around now, you're not welcome any more Might as well face it, you're addicted to Gove I'm Michael Gove - and I regret it Bullet for Gove
12.
It's about time we had another national holiday Christmas, Easter and New Year are so passé The 6th of April sounds good to me When Bernard of Kilwinning tried to set us free He wrote an independence oath The Declaration of Arbroath 2020 will be 700 years Since it was signed by Bernie and his peers Sealed by the Abbot in the Abbey In Thirteen Hundred and Twenty Nearly as old as the Sunday Post The Declaration of Arbroath It's in the form of a letter written in Latin 51 magnates and nobles helped compose the thing Now listen honey, "It is in truth not for glory, nor riches nor honours, but for freedom that we're fighting for" Robert the Bruce had a hand in this At some point they even said that they would kiss The feet of the pope The Declaration of Arbroath
13.
S.C.O.T.L.A.N.D Massive heart, wee country Reject the landlord, reject the laird Celebrate John Logie Baird And Alexander Graham Bell I could make a list like Billy Joel But that would be just too cringey Cheap and easy and real stingey So let us scotch those stereotypes Tartan, shortbread and bagpipes Walter Scott monumental myths And concentrate on the politics We legislate ahead of them all We got the minimum price of alcohol Our policies are ahead of the pack And we'll be the first to leave the Union Jack No Smacking No Fracking No Union Jacking Lay down and take it Or forcibly make it on our own The lion and the unicorn Just Westminster soft porn They want to pour their love on us They say we're equal partners They weren't listening then, they're not listening now How long must we kow tow We don't want to smack, we don't wanna frack We just want our dignity back So you go ahead and snub your nose And strut in your emperor's new clothes We're being dragged into a hole A laughing stock, a begging bowl Is what we're being reduced to Can we have some more? No thank you We'll march until our feet are sore I cannot take this any more
14.
I fell down the stairs, cracked my ribs And try to be authentic and spontaneous. So, what I'm saying there is that I have, unfortunately, principles Let's talk about Brexit, eh? I am Ro oh oh ry I'm in your back garden And messing up your roses eh? Let's talk about Brexit - Yes Let's talk about Brexit - Yes Let's pretend we're taking selfies A weird thing to say Britain is going to be stuck for 40 years Talk about the things that we actually care about Put the money back in your bank account Put the money back in your bank account I've negotiated in Iraq I've negotiated in Afghanistan I'd love to debate Boris Mano a mano Let's talk about Brexit, eh? I am Ro oh oh ry I'm in your back garden And messing up your roses eh? Let's talk about Brexit Talk about the detailed issues of Brexit You have to get out of parliament I'd love to debate Boris Mano a mano
15.
Ah look at all the lonely people Ah look at all the lonely people Doing it with it on a computer D'you know that it's called CAD It's in 3D They can build houses Isn't technology marvellous, what do you say Esther McVey? All the lonely people At the Tory conference Angry, sleepy people What a bunch of cunts Andrea Leadsom, dies on her arse What a farce, no pizzazz or panache Liz Truss - car crash Look at them working, trying to whip Up a crowd who don't want to be there Nobody cares All the Tory people Where do they all come from? They love a bit of groping From Boris Johnson Ah look at all the lonely people Ah look at all the lonely people
16.
(Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit anxious And there's no-one else around (Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit tired Of listening to you pounding the ground (Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit nervous That I might be losing my way (Turn around) every now and then I get a little bit terrified And then I hear you neigh (Turn around, bright eyes) every now and then I go insane (Turn around, bright eyes) that is when I need to stroke your mane And I need to know what's right Should we remain or leave forever Oh if only I was bright Oh I wish that I was clever Like the people you see on vox pops Can we just get on with it? Together we can take it to the end of the line Stop saying the will of the people all of the time (all of the time) I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight.. Just give me a sign tonight A hoof to the temple, alright Once upon a time I loved the EU Then my life was thrown off course I now know what to do cos I was Kicked in the head by a horse Once upon a time there was light in my life But now there's only Nigel and Boris Nothing I can say Kicked in the head by a horse
17.
R.E.S.P.E.C.T Oh look, here's a giant poppy In clown shoes, oh deary me How disrespectful to the military P.O.P.P.I.E.S How did we get in this mess Everybody seems to be Doctoring their VT So (sock it to me, sock it to me, Sock it to me, sock it to me) Meanwhile at the BBC (sock it to me, sock it to me) Whoa, beeb (just a little bit) A little respect (just a little bit) For our licence fee (just a little bit) You keep on trying (just a little bit) You're not fooling me (just a little bit) Are you guys lying? (just a little bit) (Re, re, re, re) place Original footage (re, re, re, re) With archive (respect, just a little bit) You're havin' a laugh (just a little bit) At the cenotaph (just a little bit) We got to have (just a little bit) A little respect (just a little bit)
18.
If you're Andrew Bridgen and you have to defend Jacob Rees Mogg and your other thick friends You are all of you fighting over one brain cell If there is any justice, then you'll all burn in hell Don't you think Don't you feel Can't you tell what is real Can't you tell what is real Who educated you? Thick as mince and glaikit too James Cleverly, heavily vacant Every tory new policy Is constant apology I swear Their mummies all told them they're clever They were better together Now they're falling apart They haven't a clue, or a brain, or a heart Arses to arses Cunts to cunts An empty chair gives the best performance Don't you think Don't you feel Can't you tell what is real Can't you tell what is real Who educated you? Thick as mince and glaikit too James Cleverly, heavily vacant Every tory - common sense free Apology, apology I swear Their mummies all told them they're clever
19.
Everybody's talking about The government regiment, vehement management Embarrassment in Parliament Postponement entanglement Impeachment excrement Stick it up your fundament All we are saying is gie us some peace All we are saying is gie us some peace C'mon Everybody's talking about entitlements Judgements, pigments, movements Arguments, documents on tenement torments Amendments, detachment, Back to your allotments All we are saying is gie us some peace All we are saying is gie us some peace Let me tell you now Everybody's talking about Impediments, fragments, ailments, payments Armaments agreements No comments, varments in their element All we are saying is gie us some peace All we are saying is gie us some peace Everybody's spouting Sentiments, embezzlement, enactments, testaments Commitments, resentments Statements on employment Incitement. annulments Retirement, denouement All we are saying is gie us some peace All we are saying is gie us some peace All we are saying is gie us some peace All we are saying is gie us some peace
20.
Well I was going to Heathrow, after leaving my hotel Going on my holidays to Cuba In the cab, there was a distinctive smell Someone's had a lot of sex in this Uber Now the cab driver he told me he'd had all sorts in the back Actors, politicians, Alice Cooper So I asked him who the last one was as I was starting to gag He said it was a vlogger, a YouTuber Someone has had a lot of sex Someone has had a lot of sex And what's worse they've put the evidence on the internet Someone's had a lot of sex in this Uber (Far away) Far away, I must be far away So drop me off real quick, thank God I'm going far away (far away) I'll need a shower on the hour, cos I'm feeling pretty sour Someone's had a lot of sex in this Uber

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released January 7, 2020

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